They make you feel like they are being loving by doing this, but they’re actually molding you to be as intimidating and unapproachable as they are.
They want to establish the two of you as a power couple.
In a healthy system, responsibility is well aligned with response-ability, so that adaptive action can be taken.
When ability to respond is decoupled from responsibility, people start to get disabled.
Because narcissists put so much emphasis on being the best, and they train you to value that too, they also make you feel awful when you’re not the best.
You’ll find yourself apologizing a lot when you’re dating a narcissist because he’s trained you to be less forgiving of yourself.
The result is disability: the resources and patience of the addict’s partner get increasingly depleted, while the addict slowly dies. Just as it takes two people to have a healthy relationship, it also takes two people to have a dysfunctional relationship. The ultimate knowledge of reality lies with the narcissist. Her: I can hear that you’re angry by the sound of your voice!
Only a small fraction of the women I have dated have acted-out consistently on the narcissistic spectrum. There is no room for your feelings in that, unless you’re feeling positive emotions such as admiration or love.
I have combined the experiences with those women into a composite for the purposes of this article, and I have attempted to disguise their identity. There seems to be a notion that narcissistic behavior is usually perpetrated by men. Since the narcissist takes no responsibility for their experience, including feelings, any negative experience must be your fault.
You may be very good at spotting red flags, but narcissists are very good at anticipating the fact that you’re looking for red flags, and covering them all up in the first few weeks or months of dating.
Some of the biggest narcissists are also the greatest actors; they know how to feign empathy, generosity, patience and good humor.